Patience, balance, and multitasking: How parenthood shaped my career

When social worker Niki Yarnot fell pregnant with her first of three children back in 2002, never could she have imagined she would still be juggling the challenges of being a mum with her own career 20 years later. Over the past two decades, Yarnot has experienced nearly every facet of being a working parent—from working full-time to being a stay-at-home mom. She knows exactly how parenthood can impact a career. “After I became a mom, success became more about balance. It became less about rising up the ranks, and more about having time for my family after contributing at work,” she says.

Yarnot had initially intended to continue working as a social worker while bringing up her children. In fact, she tried out many formulas such as working part-time, on the weekends, or per diem to make this happen. But eventually, the emotionally draining nature of working in palliative care paired with the troubles of paying for childcare took its toll. “At first I had help from my mom for childcare.” But when she moved away, my husband and I looked into the cost of childcare and we figured out we’d be making $10 dollars at the end of it all. It made no sense to continue working,” says Yarnot.

Providing care

The cost of childcare is a major obstacle for many working parents. According to a 2022 survey, 20% of parents said they had struggled to pay for childcare—with this figure rising to 38% for lower-income families. This should come as no surprise given that the average cost of daycare shot up by 21% from January 2020 to October 2024. And, across the US, its cost now exceeds annual rent payments by at least 25%.

However, being a stay-at-home parent comes with its drawbacks. Yarnot, despite understanding that it made financial and emotional sense to be a stay-at-home mom, would often feel like she’d lost a part of her identity by putting her career on hold.

“My husband would come back from work talking about a big event with pizzas, merchandise, and awards. And, I’d have spent the day getting pooped on, changing diapers, and eating leftovers,” she says. Yarnot doesn’t regret the decision to be a stay-at-mom though. She’s also quick to point out that she was fortunate that her husband’s job alone could support the whole family. This sense of feeling grateful is not exclusive to Yarnot though.

Kelsi Nutter, a podiatrist based in California and mother to three, also states that she feels privileged given that her salary and benefits mean that she can continue working full-time with her husband being a stay-at-home dad. “I don’t have to worry about finding a last-minute babysitter or going to pick up my child from school if they fall sick because my husband is always there. But I know I am an anomaly.” Nutter isn’t wrong. Today only one in five stay-at-home parents are fathers. And, if there are childcare issues, mothers are 300% more likely than fathers to not work in order to look after their children. What’s more, employed fathers are more likely to work full-time than employed mothers (95.6% compared to 80.1%).

Nevertheless, Nutter has still had to navigate the unique challenges of being a working mom. For example, she recalls having to interview for a job while being pregnant with her second child. During the interview process, fearing it would harm her chances of getting the job, she chose not to disclose her pregnancy. However, when she was eventually offered the job, she agonized over how to tell them, fearing that there would be negative consequences. “I felt like I’d been withholding information. So, I turned to a relative who works in HR to help draft an email. I wanted to leave a paper trail just in case there was fall-out.” Ultimately, Nutter’s employer was supportive. But the fact remains that she felt obliged to hide her pregnancy due to how society views working mothers. “At the end of the day, working moms are seen as a liability,” she says.

Changing goals

Nutter is frank when she talks about how parenthood has impacted her career goals. She explains that she always believed she’d end up working in academia, publishing medical literature, and lecturing at conferences. However, this changed once she had kids. “I used to see my identity in my career and think I’d make a name for myself. But once I became a mom, I learned that my career is not my life. It’s a means to an end,” she says.

All the same, she admits that having children has had a positive impact on her ability to do her job: “I’ve become more patient, empathetic, and relatable to my patients.”

Modern work

With childcare and scheduling having traditionally been a major obstacle for working parents, modern working is finally giving parents an opportunity to achieve a better work-family balance. Nutter’s job, for example, allows her to work a four-day week. However, she does admit that she always debates whether this truly affords a better balance. “I work 10-hour shifts from 7 to 5, so I’m out of the house all day. I may only see my kids for 2 hours. But on my day off, I really do relish taking them to and from school, taking them to their medical appointments, gymnastics, and swimming.”

As for Yarnot, she has since returned to full-time employment as a career coach at Wanderlust Careers: a 100% remote company that is also woman-owned. She says that the company “operates on trust and offers a great deal of flexibility” which allows her to balance parenting and working. Yarnot says that she is grateful for the rise of remote working since the Covid-19 pandemic as there was a time she could never have imagined working from home, with a good salary, and with the flexibility she enjoys now.

Yarnot’s story is part of a much wider trend of mothers returning to employment. In fact, the number of working mothers has now surpassed pre-pandemic levels and the rise in teleworking is said to be a major factor behind this. For example, in 2023, 24% of mothers said they had worked from home over the past week.

Returning to employment

Despite this increase in the number of working parents, the reality is that returning to employment has its challenges. In fact, coaching parents back into employment is what Yarnot now does in her role as a career advisor. She explains that stay-at-home parents can often fret about the interview process and worry about having to explain an extended period of unemployment.

However, Yarnot says that parents have to simply list the skills and experience that they’ve gained while parenting and volunteering. “You just have to put it all into a language that corporate America and employers understand. For example, I organized X trips for this many kids. I coordinated logistics and travel times. I negotiated the price of tickets.”

In Yarnot’s case, she started chairing auctions, running the PTA, and doing community outreach while being a stay-at-home mom. She also found ways to upskill through her volunteering. For example, she learned how to write grants to raise funds for her kids’ school. Yarnot explains that returning to employment is much the same as being a career changer. You have to identify the transferable skills you have and sell them.

Overhauling the system

Looking to the future, Nutter believes that the whole system needs to be “overhauled” with more flexibility and more emphasis put on the work-life balance. This is something that Yarnot echoes, saying there needs to be mandated maternity and paternity leave. “We do a very poor job in terms of social support for new parents,” she says.

Yarnot also feels strongly about how working parents are expected to be superhuman. “In certain industries like tech and finance, they expect your life. They want 60-80 hours a week. Add parenthood to that and it’s insanity.” She also points to the example of women’s empowerment often being about not giving up on your dreams while fighting for pay equity. However, she says that mothers can simultaneously be judged for working full-time and having someone else care for their kids.

Ultimately, Yarnot believes that shifting our perception of parenting and work could allow companies to expand the talent pool when hiring. “So much talent is wasted,” Yarnot says. “A stay-at-home parent is a multitasker to the highest degree. They’re the trip manager, the emotional support manager, the finance manager, and the healthcare manager for the whole family. They’re managing multiple schedules. So, if you’re looking for someone who knows how to multitask and keep cool under pressure, you hire a parent.”

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle

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