Should you take your office crush to the next level?

Finding a partner IRL can be tricky, especially with online dating dominating the scene. You might try joining a local sports team, becoming a regular at your favorite coffee shop, but there’s one place you might be overlooking: work. Whether you’re in the office or working remotely, you’re constantly interacting with colleagues. So, it’s no surprise that a work crush might develop.

Once considered taboo, office romances are now more common than you might think. In fact, by one 2024 estimate, over 60% of adults have participated in at least one workplace romance. After all, who wouldn’t want to find the Jim to their Pam? Here’s the catch: new research shows that while these work flings might bring personal benefits, they might not do your career any favors.

To help weigh the pros and cons the next time you feel a spark with a colleague, see what Rebecca Chory, a Professor of Management at Frostburg State University, has to say. Chory’s research focuses on personal workplace relationships, particularly workplace romances and male-female workplace friendships. She even developed a course on the subject, “Sex, Gender, and Workplace Relationships,” which she teaches at the MBA and undergraduate levels.

All the feels, but at what cost?

Thinking about taking your work crush to the next level? Well, Chory’s research found that those who were in romantic relationships reported significant personal benefits. “The most frequently mentioned advantage, cited by about a third of respondents, was the enhanced quality of their relationships. They noted that they spent more time together, their bonds grew stronger, and they enjoyed practical perks such as commuting together if they worked in the same place. Additionally, these individuals felt more supported and experienced greater overall enjoyment.”

Another significant finding reported by Chory’s participants was that being in a romantic relationship positively impacted their work life. “They expressed feeling happier, more motivated, and generally more satisfied with their jobs,” she notes.

However, her research also has a dark side. These workplace romance partners tend to underestimate the adverse effects of their in-office romance. “People in the relationship believe their office romance isn’t that bad; however, our comparisons with what coworkers say show a different, less rosy reality,” she says. Let’s dig into the reasons why.

Your colleagues don’t like it, and here’s why

Ever dreamt of a workplace romance straight out of a TV drama like Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd? While that kind of fairy-tale boss-subordinate connection is rare, your office fling might be more akin to Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele’s—exciting, yes, but definitely not winning you any popularity awards with your colleagues. These workplace romances often raise a few eyebrows, and if things go south, you might end up with more than just a juicy story—you might also find yourself in the middle of some office drama.

Why, you ask? Well, your coworkers often see these relationships as a fast track to an unfair advantage. Whether it’s a potential promotion or just a little extra workplace favor, they might assume your romance is more about climbing the corporate ladder than about true love. As Chory points out, “While those in the relationship may genuinely seek companionship, third parties are more likely to assume the romance is motivated by career advancement.” This perception can quickly turn your colleagues into critics, viewing the relationship as self-serving rather than sincere.

If you’re dating the boss? Well, don’t expect any warm fuzzies from your coworkers. Chory notes, “Coworkers particularly dislike office romances when someone on their level is dating a superior. This was considered the worst scenario. However, they also disapproved when someone was dating a subordinate. Coworkers seem to dislike the cross-level dynamic of it.” So, if you’re mixing love with leadership, don’t be surprised if your colleagues aren’t exactly cheering from the sidelines.

Dating your peer isn’t much better

It’s not just about dating the boss—coworkers aren’t thrilled about office romances with peers either. Chory explains that this sentiment lingers whether you’re dating a superior, a subordinate, or even someone on the same level. “People think that work relationships, including even friendships, offer some type of advantage. They believe that even if you’re dating someone on the same level, you still benefit from having someone to help you, bounce ideas off of, and provide emotional support.” To your colleagues, it looks like you’re tipping the scales unfairly.

The impact of office romances doesn’t stop at perceived favoritism—trust takes a nosedive, too. Chory highlights a particular concern known as “pillow talk,” where coworkers fear that anything they say might be shared with higher-ups or used inappropriately. This concern can lead to a breakdown in open communication as colleagues become more guarded, watching what they say around someone involved in a workplace relationship. The result? A workplace where trust erodes and interactions become less honest and more strained.

Here’s where things get even trickier. Chory’s research shows that coworkers don’t just become less open—they might start playing the game differently. “We’ve found that colleagues might deceive more when dealing with someone in a workplace romance,” she explains. This means that beyond being guarded, they might withhold or distort information, perhaps as a way to balance what they perceive as an unfair advantage. While this may not always be intentional, it certainly adds another layer of complexity to the office dynamics.

Wake up and smell the reality

Sure, colleagues might grumble about the perks they think you’re getting from dating at work, but what they don’t see are the unexpected challenges that come with it. While everyone else is focused on the assumed benefits, those in the relationship might be dealing with a whole different set of issues.

One of the more surprising insights from their research was that people involved in workplace romances often felt unfairly penalized because of their partner. While those on the outside tend to focus on the perks—thinking, “She’s dating the boss, so she’ll get the promotion”—the reality for those in these relationships can be quite different.

For example, Chory said her participants shared stories where they felt targeted simply because of their romantic connection. Things like, “The boss didn’t like my boyfriend, so they didn’t like me either,” or, “He was accused of something, and I got unfairly dragged into it too.” In these relationships, partners aren’t just sharing the good times—they’re also getting caught up in each other’s challenges.

Women face more penalties in office romances

Here’s an intriguing yet sadly predictable twist: men in workplace romances don’t seem to experience the same fallout as women. When it comes to office relationships, Cupid’s arrow doesn’t strike equally. Chory’s study highlights an unfair truth: men in these relationships often skate by with fewer bruises, while women are left to bear the brunt of the consequences.

“Millennials reported similar issues and benefits as middle-aged employees, but men were less aware of or penalized for their relationships,” Chory notes. This disparity underscores ongoing gender differences in how workplace romances are perceived and treated. Women often suffer more significant damage to their reputations and credibility, with coworkers placing less trust in them compared to their male counterparts.

Be smart, yet follow your heart

Chory, a seasoned professor who spends plenty of time with the younger crowd, has noticed that many of them think the easiest way to handle workplace romances is to avoid them altogether. The logic? They see anything related to sex as inherently bad for the work environment. As Chory points out, that’s not the whole story. In fact, human sexuality and affection can actually bring some positive vibes to the workplace.

“Many young professionals come into the workplace with this rigid idea of what ‘professionalism’ means—often viewing it through a narrow lens that says anything related to sex or romance is unprofessional,” Chory explains. “In reality, the boundaries between work and life aren’t so clear-cut. Romantic relationships do spill over into the workplace, and managing those boundaries is part of the equation.”

That said, while it’s generally wise to avoid workplace romances if possible, as the saying goes, “the heart wants what the heart wants,” says Chory. If you do find yourself falling in love at work, be aware of the potential consequences—both good and bad. “Our research shows that people involved in workplace romances often underestimate the negative impact it can have on how they’re viewed. So, it’s important to recognize that you may have to work harder to gain the trust of your colleagues,” Chory explains.

Navigating an office romance: 5 tips for success

Chory knows firsthand how tricky workplace romances can be. “I’m actually in an office romance myself,” she admits. “I always disclose that when discussing these issues. When I first started researching workplace relationships, I wasn’t involved in one. Then I met someone—another professor in a similar field—and we got together. It’s funny, because knowing all that I do about workplace romances, I’d like to say there aren’t any problems, but the reality is, I’m sure there are. I’ve experienced both positive and negative changes in how people treat me, based on my spouse’s actions.”

If you’re considering dating a coworker, here are some tips to help you navigate the complexities of workplace romance:

1. Date at the peer level

Chory suggests that your best bet is to date someone at your peer level. “From your coworkers’ perspective, the ideal situation is to avoid dating anyone you work with. If you do, dating someone at the same level is the least problematic,” she advises.

2. Avoid becoming isolated

Don’t let your relationship create a bubble. “Many of our respondents mentioned that these relationships can create cliques within the office,” Chory explains. Sometimes, it’s the romantic partners and a few close friends forming a tight-knit group, but this can lead to neglecting other professional relationships. Make sure you stay connected with your broader team.

3. Understand your company’s policies

Before jumping into a workplace romance, be sure you know what’s allowed and what’s not. If your workplace doesn’t permit such relationships, you may have to choose between your job and your relationship.

4. Be mindful of workplace culture and norms

Workplace cultures vary greatly, so what’s acceptable in one industry might not be in another. Being aware of these differences can help you gauge how your relationship might be perceived.

5. Prepare for backlash

Even if everything is above board, your colleagues might have their own opinions. Be ready for some potential distrust or negative perceptions, and think about how you’ll handle those.

Balancing love and work

Chory doesn’t discourage workplace romances, especially if there’s no policy against them. “It’s important to follow the rules, of course, but we’re all human. We need affection and connection—that’s part of what keeps us going,” she says.

While workplace romances can offer both rewards and challenges, stay mindful of your surroundings, understand your organization’s culture, and be aware of the norms. Expect that some colleagues might view your relationship with skepticism, and think ahead about how you’ll navigate those perceptions.

So, before diving headfirst into an office romance, take a moment to consider how it could impact your work environment. It’s not just about you and your partner—your colleagues are paying attention, and their reactions might carry more weight than you think. The perks might be tempting, but the reality behind the scenes can be far more complex.

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle

Follow Welcome to the Jungle on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram and subscribe to our newsletter to get our latest articles every week!