Office Politics: 7 types of colleagues you’ll meet in every workplace

With the general election mere days away, political tensions are higher than usual, both at home and in the office. While we try not to let politics into the workplace, it’s inevitable that conversations around policy and personal beliefs will arise. In fact, nearly half of workers in the US have had a political discussion in the office, with positive associations outweighing the negative when it came to having these conversations. So, talking politics at work isn’t always a bad thing, as long as you know how to have civil discussions about sensitive subjects with your colleagues. It can be hard to set aside your thoughts about the state of the world when you clock in, and you shouldn’t have to. Politics impact every aspect of our daily lives, and you don’t have to be a politician to navigate the moors of workplace politics.

Whether you work in a corporate office or the Oval Office, every environment has its own sort of political hierarchy with established ways of operating, party divisions, alliances, and infighting. So, what role do you play when it comes to the game of professional politics?

1. The Bureaucrat

Have you ever spent three days talking to five different people, filling out ten different forms for a request that could have been approved via email? You have a bureaucrat to thank for that. Office bureaucrats do everything by the book and insist you do too. Do you have an appointment this afternoon? You’ll have to request a half day off. Did you forget to request an itemized receipt for the team lunch? It’s coming out of your pocket. Bureaucrats’ inability to turn a blind eye or allow anything to happen without due process can be infuriating and time-consuming, but you’ll never convince them to stop towing the company line.

Their slogan: “I understand it’s your sister’s wedding, but we require three weeks’ notice for PTO requests, and unfortunately you only submitted this 20 days before.”

2. The Dictator

You know they’ve walked into the room when a hush comes over your desk pod and your team suddenly seems zeroed in on a random spreadsheet. Don’t ever let a dictator see you socializing, lest you end up with another task to fill your time. While dictators are senior-level employees who pride themselves on their strong work ethic and love for the company, you’ve never actually seen them do anything but attend meetings and go to “working lunches.” Their Google calendar may look packed, but take a closer look and they’ve simply blocked out three hours today for something called “mindfulness prep.”

Dictators don’t do much but ensure that everyone else is putting in 110% as they delegate away anything that lands on their desks. The worst part? They take credit for your successes, but you still get the blame for any failures. Oh, and be sure not to give any constructive feedback or step a toe out of line lest you be raked over the coals in your next performance review.

Their slogan: “I know you have a lot on your plate right now, but taking on this project would be a great opportunity for you to upskill, and this really needs to be done before I return from vacation.”

3. The Rebel

Unlike bureaucrats and dictators, rebels take no part in oppressive office hierarchies. In fact, they undermine them. They have a strong sense of security and self-worth, and they’re not afraid to stand up for themselves and others. Is it 4.30pm on a Friday and something urgent has just come up? Sorry, they don’t get paid for working overtime, but they’ll make it first priority on Monday! Is the boss working from home today? Why don’t you join them for a long lunch on the company card? It’s a write-off as long as you mention something about work. Rebels can make great coworkers, just be careful that their laissez-faire attitude doesn’t radicalize you too much—you don’t want to get an email from HR about productivity. Still, we can all learn something from their willingness to #FightThePower.

Their slogan: “I wish I could help you with this, but it doesn’t fall within the scope of my role. I’d be happy to rediscuss my responsibilities and compensation if you want me to work on this going forward.”

4. The Legislator

Legislators are similar to bureaucrats, but they aren’t just following the rules, they’re making them. They can be a powerful tool for efficiency and productivity, but their affinity for creating a process for everything can become oversaturated to a point where no one can keep track of what the next steps are for a given task. A little planning can go a long way, but asking you to spend two weeks creating a schedule to track who can choose where to order lunch from on a given day may not be the best way to spend your time.

Their slogan: “I think it’s a great idea to organize our client feedback, but first, could you work on an outline of why this will help us, how you plan on prioritizing different categories, and how we can measure the impact of this change?”

5. The Monarch

Have you ever been licking your wounds after being passed over for a promotion in favor of an external candidate, only to discover that the new hire is your manager’s BFF? Some may call this networking, but it smells like nepotism. Monarchs are those delightful colleagues who found themselves in their position not because of their skills and experience, but because of their divine right of being friends with the boss. Not only was their job handed to them without merit, but they also have no danger of losing it. They can flit around the office and enjoy long lunches all while receiving glowing reviews. You don’t even want to think about what their salary is …

Their slogan: “Yes, Emily is my sister-in-law, but if anything that only made the bar higher for me during the interview process because I made her promise to treat me just like any other applicant!”

6. The Kennedy

These coworkers may not contribute much to the bottom line, but they are dripping with charisma and oozing soft skills. Do they know how to convert a doc to a PDF? No, but they’ll ask you so nicely that you’re happy to do it for them. Also known as personality hires, Kennedys are all about the energy they bring to the office. Don’t write them off as all style over substance, while they may not be as productive as other members of the team, their value lies in their people skills, their ability to charm clients, and their effect on company morale and culture. It may be irritating at times to watch them skate through life, but your day would be much less enjoyable without them around.

Their slogan: “I love that jacket, it looks great on you! I’m sorry I don’t have that presentation done yet … but let’s grab a drink after work!”

7. The Public Servant

The most commendable person in office politics, public servants are the saving grace of any workplace. They’re there because they are truly passionate about the work they do, and are always willing to lend a helping hand, even at the cost of their own work-life balance. Did you forget to fill out your quarterly data report? Don’t worry, they noticed you’ve been busy and filled in the key points on your behalf. Did you have a big success this month? They’re not too shy to give you a shout-out in the internal newsletter. You often find yourself wondering how they can go above and beyond so consistently without burning out. Hopefully, we can all one day find a spark that drives us like that.

Their slogan: “I know you’re supposed to cover for me while I’m off for two weeks, but I’ve already completed my work in advance and wrote some notes for you in case anything unexpected comes up.”

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle
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