Young parents: How to negotiate benefits with a potential employer

Parenthood is a unique and wonderful experience, but in today’s job market, having good parental benefits is essential. In fact, according to research conducted by Ovia Health, around 40% of working parents believe their employers aren’t very family-friendly, and almost half find it challenging to understand their parental leave benefits. What’s more, 90% of working parents would consider leaving for a job with better family benefits.

Having strong parental benefits is key for a smooth and enjoyable start to parenthood, especially if you’re just beginning your career and job hunting. To help you understand the importance of these benefits and guide you through negotiating them with a potential employer, we spoke with Fotini Iconomopoulos, negotiation instructor and communication & leadership coach.

First benefits first—remote work

First and foremost, consider asking about the possibility of remote work, whether on a full-time basis or in a hybrid arrangement. “Long before the pandemic started, the number one challenge that people have been asking for was the ability for a flexible schedule and remote work,” says Iconomopoulos. And in 2023, it has become the norm in many environments and industries.

According to Forbes Advisor, nowadays 12.7% of full-time employees work from home, while 28.2% work a hybrid model, and 98% of workers indicate they want to work remotely at least some of the time. Given these statistics, negotiating remote work has become more feasible, especially since the pandemic served as a trial and demonstrated that many roles can function effectively remotely. “Industries and companies that embrace remote work signal that they trust their employees and will do what it takes to retain them,” Iconomopoulos adds.

When it comes to young parents, remote work is usually a preferable option for both employees and employers. “It makes it easier to trust that you are going to get the work done even if you’re doing it with a more flexible schedule or circumstance. And if it’s a new work relationship, the challenge is building trust quickly,” says Iconomopoulos.

After WFH comes paid parental leave

Did you know that among 41 OECD and 28 European Union countries, the United States stands as the sole exception that doesn’t require some form of paid parental leave? Paid leave does exist—but it is not mandatory.

Under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), new parents in the US can take up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave, knowing that their jobs must be held for them upon their return. In contrast, parents in Denmark are guaranteed 25 paid weeks, while in Japan 35, in the Czech Republic 53, and a remarkable 80 in Estonia.

In the US, however, only 35% of organizations provide paid maternity leave, and 27% offer paid paternity leave. For this, it is not surprising that paid parental leave remains a high demand by both working and job-seeking parents. If you’re negotiating your parental benefits with a potential new employer, joining the ranks of parents advocating for this essential support is crucial.

What else should I ask for?

There are many other parental benefits available out there, offering flexibility to suit your specific needs and circumstances. It’s important to get to know all of them through thorough research of the benefits offered in your locations, as well as your industry standards. Below are some key parental benefits you should ask for in particular as a young parent.

Family insurance

Health insurance costs have skyrocketed, posing a challenge for many families. Employee premiums covering a spouse and children can easily reach $500-$1,000 per month, depending on the employer’s contribution percentage. To make insurance more manageable for working parents, employers can explore self-insurance to control costs or contribute a larger percentage to employee-dependent coverage. Lack of such family coverage can also reveal insights into a company’s culture, indicating limited understanding and responsiveness to the needs of working parents.

Childcare benefits

Childcare support can take various forms, such as on-site childcare, workplace breastfeeding facilities, a monthly stipend for childcare expenses at a preschool or daycare center, emergency daycare benefits, or even “bring your child to work” days. These options provide valuable assistance in balancing work responsibilities with childcare duties.

Student loan repayment assistance

The burden of student loan debt is a widespread concern, particularly impacting young working parents. Fortunately, companies can now contribute up to $5,250 per year per employee to help alleviate student loan debt—and this benefit payment is tax-free for the employee, providing true financial relief.

I know what to ask for, but how do I negotiate?

Going up to your employer to negotiate benefits can be challenging, even if you have the legal knowledge and know what to ask for. This is why preparation is key.

First, you should do your research and tackle the negotiations well-prepared. Here, thorough Google research can go a long way. Look at the different types of benefits and baselines in your state, and then make a judgment of what would work best for you. Make a list of all the benefits you are aiming to ask for and have it ready before the conversation with your potential employer.

During your preparations, remember to cover legal obligations. Depending on where you live, there are different rules around parental leave and rules for dismissal around parental rights. “A quick Google search for your jurisdiction is a good start, particularly if you’re considering a parental leave,” says Iconomopoulos. “And if you suspect a conflict, or see something questionable in a hiring offer, it’s worth paying for a quick consultation with an employment lawyer to prevent issues down the road and spot any red flags.”

Focus on sustainable communication

When approaching benefits negotiation, focus on sustainable communication and a collaborative approach. What do we mean by that? Focus not only on how and why these benefits you’re seeking can be beneficial to you but also on how and why you can be a benefit to the organization.

“Get them bought into your objectives and how they align with the company’s objectives. Establish what you have in common and that your skills are going to help them achieve their objectives,” explains Iconomopoulos. “Once you’ve established that trust, rapport, and their interest in you, that’s when you get into how you can make that work with your simultaneous parental goals.”

“This approach signals mutual benefit, prevents burnout, and makes sure that those common objectives stay aligned. Be ready with proposals centered around this sustainability,” Iconomopoulos further explains.

When using this approach to your negotiation, you want to sound credible and objective as opposed to unrealistic or opinionated. “A key phrase to keep the objectivity factor high is ‘based on’. Based on your knowledge of the industry or leading best practices, based on your previous successful experiences, based on studies on productivity … or anything that you think would be useful to show that you’re coming in with proposals primed for success that leave little room for argument.”

Golden negotiation tactics

• Be curious, not demanding: “Asking questions about how the company’s parental benefits and policies compare to industry norms and practices is a great way to be curious instead of demanding.”
• Use the ‘social smell’: “Leverage a persuasion principle called the ‘social smell’, making it seem like anyone who doesn’t have these policies is behind.”
• Show off your problem-solving skills: “If they don’t have great policies already, then be ready with suggestions or start asking questions about what it would take to start implementing some competitive practices to serve those common objectives. Turn this into a problem-solving opportunity instead of an inquisition. It should feel like a collaborative discussion vs. a list of demands.”
• Have examples ready: “In the case of difficult negotiations, personal references and/or examples of how you’ve made various circumstances work would go a long way.”

Don’t fear asking for support

Navigating the negotiation process in the workplace—and let’s face it, parenthood in general—can be tough. Luckily, nowadays there are many resources for support in matters such as making informed decisions about family-related benefits—and you should definitely use them!

“Cast your net wide to learn about best practices and expedite your learnings from other people’s experiences in addition to your own,” shares Iconomopoulos. “Speak to as many people with as many experiences as possible. This can be done through informal parent groups on social media—Facebook groups are very active—or your local daycare groups. Glassdoor can also be a great website to hear directly from employees at specific organizations.”

You can also rely on the internet. “Quick Google searches will also help you find reputable information from many law firms who have blog posts on a number of topics specific to your jurisdiction which helps. Just remember that what is the norm or legal in one area isn’t the same everywhere and what’s ‘normal’ shouldn’t be your limit, it should be a baseline to start from for you.”

In-person or online, there are plenty of ways to talk to others who’ve been through what you’re experiencing—or are currently in the same boat as you—to ensure you access the benefits and support necessary for a positive and enriching experience as a young parent.

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle

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