Help! I’m using all of my PTO on wedding season!

You’ve reached “that age” where the people around you are getting more serious about the future and your social calendar is filled with wedding invites. Celebrating love is fun, but it can also be expensive and time-consuming. In fact, the average American spends 35% of their annual PTO celebrating other peoples’ milestones, there are 2.3 million weddings a year in the US, with the average ages of the Bride and Groom between 25 and 27.

In recent years, midweek weddings have become increasingly popular as a way for couples to cut the costs of their nuptials, meanwhile, destination weddings are also on the rise, a lethal combo for your treasured vacation days. With limited PTO, it isn’t always easy as a guest to RSVP “yes” to every invite, especially when all of your friends seem to be getting married in the same season. So, how do you decide whether to go and how can you make it work for you, your limited PTO, and your budget?

What’s love got to do, got to do with it?

The first dilemma with multiple wedding invites is wondering if you can make them all, and do you even want to. If all of your PTO is likely to be used up by weddings, is that going to fill you with joy or make you a miserable wedding Grinch? Retail worker, Erin, spent the last wedding season celebrating various couples’ weddings with little time left for her own plans, and while she found it frustrating, she is glad she was there for them. “It was challenging at the time as I wanted to be there, but I also wanted to be able to do other things with my time off. I decided to put my own plans on hold and go to the weddings. This year I only have one wedding to attend, so I’m doing some of the things I wanted to do last year. In the end, I’m glad I didn’t miss out on those important life events with the people I love.”

Only you know how important it is for you to be at a particular wedding — if it’s your sister, then chances are you need to make the effort, however inconvenient. On the other hand, a college friend you barely keep in touch with might not make the cut, even though it would be nice to catch up with all of your old buddies in one go.

Here are some pointers to help you decide whether those weddings are worth it:

• How close are you to the bride and groom?
• How big is the wedding? (If there are only 30 guests then chances are you’ll be missed, over 100 invitees means on the day your presence won’t be that important, even if the bride or groom tries to convince you it will)
• What’s our role in the wedding? If you’ve been asked to be Maid of Honor then you probably need to make the sacrifice!
• Can you afford it? If there’s no way to make the finances work, is it worth getting into debt?
• How much PTO do you have, and will you have enough (or any) left for your own plans?
• How important is it for you to have time off for other things? Are you desperately in need of some R&R or will partying at all the wedding fill your cup?

Can you still salvage your PTO?

When you’ve decided which weddings you are attending, try to figure out a way to make them work for you as much as possible. For midweek and destination weddings you can try minimizing the PTO you need to use by traveling to the destination in the evening after your working day or in the early hours of the morning to minimize days off. You can also use any flexible working opportunities open to you. For example, if you can work from home, you could make your trip a working one, and only take the days you absolutely need for the celebrations and your travel arrangements.

Project manager, Thayane, was able to do just this for a wedding that was important to her. “Last year, I took 2 days off to attend my friend’s wedding in Xcaret, Mexico, where I was a bridesmaid. Since I work from home, I didn’t need to take much time off, which made it easier to manage with 2 days, plus the weekend.”

Thayane certainly felt her plan was worth it. “It was an absolutely wonderful time filled with beautiful moments and unforgettable memories. While taking time off did come with its challenges – like ensuring my tasks were covered and managing a bit of pre-trip work stress – it was entirely worth it. The joy of being there for my friend on her special day in such a breathtaking location made it all worthwhile, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

Site manager, Brandee, who used 7 days of PTO to attend her cousin’s wedding, shares the sentiment. “I used my vacation time to travel to a wedding in Hawaii on a Friday. I live abroad, and all of my family were traveling from the US. I really didn’t want to be the only one who didn’t attend and felt that I would regret it if I missed out. The downside is that I used 7 of my vacation days, meaning this summer I have limited vacation time to spend with my family, but I’m glad I went.” Despite the frustrations and potential difficulties, if you’re close to the person getting married it seems like the sacrifice is worth it.

However, not everyone sees things like Brandee and Thayane. In fact, one survey found that 80% of people would rather use the PTO to please themselves than attend someone else’s wedding or life event, they just don’t know how to say no. If that’s you, learning how to politely decline an invitation can help you take back your vacation. Remember to thank the couple for wanting to include you, and be honest about your reasons for declining. Chances are if they’re planning a destination or midweek wedding, they’ve already come to terms with the fact that not everyone they invite will attend. If you want, you can even follow up with a gift or message that will allow you to be there in spirit, if not in person.

You don’t have to break the bank

Once you’ve chosen how you want to spend your time celebrating weddings, you can then decide whether you can actually afford to. Much like your personal reasons for attending or not, your finances are entirely yours to do with as you wish, so don’t be cajoled into spending money when you don’t want to. So, how can you keep finances from spiraling out of control?

• Share travel and accommodation with friends: If you’re driving, who can you take a long to cover some of the gas money? If you’re attending alone, do you have any friends who might want to share a hotel room or an Airbnb? Even as a couple, you can find accommodation with several rooms to share that might be cheaper than a hotel room.
• Book early and keep an eye out for deals: Timing is key when planning travel, and you’ve likely received your invite well enough in advance to start organizing in a way that won’t drain your wallet.
• Consider a thoughtful gift: You don’t need to spend hundreds on a gift. Find something personal or look for affordable items on the registry. True friends will understand if you can’t afford a lavish gift.
• It’s ok to wear the same outfit twice: You can change your look in other ways, or not. No one is that interested anyway, and “those that mind don’t matter and those that matter don’t mind.”
• Start saving: Look at how to cut costs in your day-to-day budget and put the money towards your trip. Can you do without Netflix? Take homemade lunches to work? Cancel your morning Starbucks? Trade your gym membership for running? What are you willing to cut to make things work?

If you simply can’t afford to attend a destination wedding no matter how much you want to, then come clean and RSVP “No.” You don’t have to share your reasons for declining unless you want to. Couples who book a midweek or destination wedding should be aware that they are making a big ask, so they have to be prepared to accept that not everyone will be able to attend. In the long run, there are other ways to show you care.

It can feel stressful when the invites come in, especially if you’ve already said yes to one or two, and more arrive unexpectedly, but try to put it into perspective. Yes, saying “No” can be fraught with difficulties and hurt feelings, but true friendships usually survive. Weddings should be a time for joy and celebration, not a source of stress and trepidation. If you want to make things work, be open and honest with everyone involved, your boss, the couple getting married, and your friends and seek solutions to make it work for you.

We all need a little downtime, so there’s nothing wrong with trying to keep a little PTO to do the things that keep you sane. Lastly, remember that wedding season won’t last forever, so try to relax and enjoy it. You want to look back and be glad you made the decisions you did. Hopefully, you’ll have plenty more seasons to spend your PTO and your hard-earned money exactly as you wish.

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle

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