Things you always hear when you become a manager

Why so serious? Sometimes all you need to take a break from work is a bit of humour. And even better if the joke is on work and not you.

You’ve climbed the greasy pole, a corner office is almost within your grasp but before you get the keys to the fabled executive washroom, you’re going to hear a few familiar phrases. And as a manager you’re going to have to grin and bear with it. So, just to be on the safe side, what can you expect? And how should you respond?

• “So, do you get the keys to the executive washroom?”
  There is no washroom but you’ve now taken to coordinating your bathroom breaks to avoid awkward conversation.

• “Will you get a corner office?”
  A new chair, perhaps, but only if you complain to HR about ergonomics.

• “Well, there go your weekends.”
  Passive aggressive jealousy. Now that you’ve got your mitts on the rota, it’s their weekends that are under threat, not yours.

• “You’ll be buying the drinks now that you’ve got a pay rise!”
  Actually, you’ll be hitting the pub less. The pub is your team’s last refuge for vital office gossip about their boss—and that’s you now.

• “I suppose you’ll be using all the management jargon, will you?”
  You will. You’ll be thinking outside the box going forward while touching base with blue sky thinking.

• “With great power, comes great responsibility.”
  And absolute power corrupts. Those flexitime sheets that you have to sign off are now the best leverage you have on any of your staff.

• “Remember, there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’.”
  True. But there is a “me”.

• “Everyone will have to laugh at your jokes now, I guess.”
  Go shallow with this. A cheap laugh is still a laugh. You’ve had to laugh at your old manager’s jokes for years. It’s payback time.

• “You? They promoted you?!”
  The only honest person in your office. Trust them with all the important work.

• “I’m too sick to come in today.”
  If it’s a Monday, this is a hangover.

• “I’m too sick to come in today.”
  If it’s a Friday, this is going to be a hangover. Expect a call on Monday, too.

• “Can I swap shifts with someone on the rota, please?”
  The ultimate nightmare for any manager is dealing with real-life staff problems. Nothing will upset your day more than juggling the rota.

You don’t know it yet, but this is your life now. It’s time you started looking for a promotion. Before it’s too late.

Photo: WTTJ

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