Leadership skills: Showing confidence at work without being labeled as arrogant

“A whole lot of women out here are not aspiring to be humble.” These words from Vice President Kamala Harris, in her recent podcast appearance on Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy, have sparked widespread discussion on the double standards women face when projecting confidence. While confidence is often celebrated in men, women who display assertiveness or ambition in leadership roles are frequently met with criticism or labeled as arrogant. Harris’ statement highlights a critical issue: women are judged more harshly for traits that are key to career success.

The underrepresentation and underpayment of women in the workplace, especially in male-dominated fields like tech and engineering, is not a new concept. Yet, while the focus has largely been on gender pay inequality and representation, recent research shines a light on the confidence gap—a subtler, yet equally damaging barrier to women’s career advancement. Studies show that women are less likely to negotiate salaries, more hesitant to self-promote, and more risk-averse in professional environments compared to men.

Confidence is crucial for success in the workplace, particularly for those seeking leadership roles. However, the challenge lies in striking the right balance—how can women project confidence without being seen as arrogant? And how does this perception impact their ability to thrive in male-dominated industries?

The gender confidence gap goes beyond salary

Recent research on the gender pay gap delves deeper into what’s known as the “ask gap,” revealing that women often request lower salaries than their male counterparts. In her 2024 study, Nina Roussille, Executive Director of the London School of Economics Hub for Equal Representation, analyzed data from the online recruitment platform Hired.com and found that women ask for salaries nearly 3% lower than men with comparable resumes—and this gap only widens with more years of experience. Although 3% may seem minor, it equates to women earning nearly $4,000 less per year in high-paying roles.

Other research has found women are less likely or willing to enter into negotiations, less likely to self-report qualifications, and more risk-averse in a professional environment. These behaviors stem, in part, from the confidence gap—a pervasive difference in how men and women perceive and project their abilities at work.

According to Caltech’s Kirby Nielsen, Assistant Professor of Economics, and William H. Hurt Scholar, the gender gap in confidence is often at the heart of women’s underachievement in the workplace. Nielsen’s research shows that women tend to underestimate their performance compared to men, contributing to the perception that they are less capable. “Women’s relative lack of confidence was shown to be contagious,” Nielsen notes. “It causes other people to now conclude that women performed worse.”

This confidence gap can create a vicious cycle, where women are perceived as less qualified or assertive simply because they do not project the same level of confidence as men. But if confidence is one of the main issues holding women back, why are confident women often criticized when they exhibit it?

Confidence vs. arrogance: The double standard

The long-standing advice given to women to “lean in,” popularized by Sheryl Sandberg’s 2013 book, encourages women to display more confidence, assertiveness, and leadership traits typically associated with success. In essence, women are told to “fake it until they make it” by using tools like eye contact, assertive posture, and strong language to come across as confident in the workplace.

However, while this advice may work for some, confident women often face a double standard. In pop culture, confident businesswomen are frequently portrayed as arrogant or domineering, reinforcing negative stereotypes. Characters like Sandra Bullock in The Proposal or Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada exemplify how confidence in female leaders is often reframed as ruthlessness or arrogance. While fictional, these archetype characters paint an unflattering picture of female representation in leadership.

“What is frequently referred to in men as assertiveness is called aggressiveness when exhibited by women, especially in the workplace,” says Kendra Davenport, Chief Development Officer of Operation Smile. “The qualities we admire in charismatic, confident male leaders are often frowned upon in women.”

This double standard forces women into a precarious position where they must balance projecting confidence with avoiding the label of arrogance. So, how can women strike this balance?

How to project confidence without being seen as arrogant

To effectively navigate the fine line between confidence and arrogance, women must be mindful of how they present themselves in the workplace. Here are some strategies to help build confidence while fostering positive relationships with colleagues and avoiding negative perceptions:

1. Focus on substance, not just style

While appearance, body language, and tone play a role in how confidence is perceived, it’s equally important to focus on substance. Confident leaders are those who bring value to the table—whether through expertise, innovative ideas, or thoughtful problem-solving. Ensuring that your contributions are meaningful helps demonstrate that your confidence is backed by competence.

2. Cultivate emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is a critical trait that can help bridge the gap between confidence and arrogance. Leaders with high EQ are self-aware, empathetic, and skilled at managing relationships. By focusing on how your actions and words affect others, you can come across as both confident and approachable, rather than overbearing.

Research from Korn Ferry shows that women in the workplace tend to display more empathy and emotional intelligence than men, giving them an advantage in creating collaborative and supportive environments. Leveraging these traits can enhance leadership effectiveness and soften perceptions of arrogance.

3. Practice humility and transparency

True confidence doesn’t mean always having the right answer or being the loudest voice in the room. In fact, humility is one of the top traits workers seek in leaders, according to research by Darren T. Baker and Juliet Bourke in the Harvard Business Review. Demonstrating vulnerability, asking for input, and admitting mistakes are qualities that show humility and build trust. This helps ensure that confidence is perceived as genuine leadership rather than overconfidence.

4. Lead with empathy

Leaders who balance confidence with empathy are better equipped to build positive relationships and foster inclusive work environments. As Daniel Goleman, co-director of the Consortium for Research on Emotional Intelligence in Organizations, points out: “When you factor in the correlation between high emotional intelligence and those leaders who deliver better business results, there is a strong case for gender equity.”

In other words, if organizations shift to focus more on these soft skill competencies that prove to boost performance and increase organizational effectiveness, women will have a better opportunity for success than relying solely on portraying confidence.

Redefining leadership success

While confidence is undoubtedly a valuable leadership trait, placing excessive emphasis on self-confidence can obscure deeper issues, such as bias and organizational structures that perpetuate gender inequity. As Baker and Bourke suggest, senior leaders should focus less on individual confidence and more on fostering inclusive environments where all employees can thrive.

Humility, empathy, and an awareness of both personal and organizational biases are essential qualities that complement confidence and can help women leaders overcome negative stereotypes. By blending confidence with emotional intelligence and empathy, women can demonstrate strong, effective leadership without being labeled as arrogant.

Ultimately, it’s time to redefine leadership success. Instead of valuing confidence alone, workplaces should prioritize collaboration, empathy, and humility as equally important traits. This shift will not only create more opportunities for women to excel but will also foster more inclusive, productive, and effective leadership in the workplace.

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