The secret to interview success? That annoying colleague

Whether you decide to escape a toxic colleague as soon as possible or stay the course for a few years, having clear examples of how you handled challenging situations and colleagues will help you on the job hunt. You may be asked to give an example of a time that you demonstrated a competency, such as collaboration. The interviewer will want to hear evidence of how you used your skills, knowledge, or character to best effect.

“Working through challenging team dynamics can be a goldmine for examples showcasing your conflict resolution, resilience, and collaboration skills,” says Margaret Buj, a talent acquisition expert at MixMax with 20 years of experience hiring for global tech companies. “The best experiences to share are ones where the outcome was positive or where you can clearly articulate the lessons learned,” she says. “Situations involving difficult communication, misaligned goals, or high-pressure deadlines are great because they demonstrate how you perform under stress.”

What did you do?

The questions from an interviewer can be as simple as: “Tell me about a time when there was conflict in your team. What did you do?” Or they may be more implicit, such as: “Problem-solving is an important part of this role. Do you have any experience there?” or “Tell me about a time you disagreed with your boss.”

When sharing these stories during interviews or on your resume, it’s important to focus on how you addressed the issue rather than the conflict itself, according to Buj. She shares one example of a client who used a difficult situation to show how she dealt with a hyper-critical team member. “I once coached a candidate called Sarah* who faced constant pushback from a senior colleague on her project team,” says Buj. “Instead of letting it escalate, Sarah took the initiative to set up a one-to-one meeting, actively listened to their concerns, and found a compromise that aligned with their goals.”

Sarah highlighted this during her next interview as an example of proactive problem-solving and emotional intelligence as part of a team—and it landed her the job.

Clashing priorities

Emma,* another client of Buj’s, found herself at the center of a conflict when working as part of a cross-functional team with clashing priorities. “The marketing team wanted a product launched quickly, while the engineering team emphasized quality control,” says Buj. “Emma facilitated a series of workshops to align priorities, leading to a phased rollout that satisfied both teams.”

In this case, the candidate framed the conflict resolution in her interview as an example of negotiation, stakeholder management, and project leadership—and secured a leadership role at a tech company. “By reframing challenges as opportunities to demonstrate conflict resolution, collaboration, and leadership, candidates can turn their most difficult moments into career-advancing stories,” says Buj.

Get your pen or laptop

Don’t wait until you’re ready to walk out of your job to start taking notes, says Carli Fink, a workplace strategist and career consultant. “Start documenting challenging situations—and especially the role you played in resolving them—while you’re still in the job with the awkward colleague,” she says. This way, the details will be fresh in your mind—or on paper—and ready to polish when you have to fill in a resume or prepare for an interview. “The stories can be about any topic, but should come from your actual experiences,” says Fink. “The content of the conflict will likely be less important than the process you used to work through it.”

One client of Fink’s was laid off from a stressful job after her new manager changed the scope of her responsibilities, did not provide her with proper training, and then asserted that she was unable to perform at the level required. Rather than letting this damage her self-esteem, the client showed her resilience and applied for roles in a less-fraught industry. “We workshopped different levels of openness she could bring to questions she might be asked about her previous role/employer,” says Fink. “She owned the fact that constant changes in management, unclear expectations, and a lack of training to perform a new function did not set her up for success. Then, she focused on what she wanted for her future: a more stable industry and employer that would provide the tools and support she needed to do her job well.” The client went on to shine at subsequent interviews for roles in different industries.

How to reframe challenging experiences at work

While difficult coworkers can be frustrating, they can also be your best teachers, providing valuable opportunities for personal and professional growth. So rather than crying into your latte while venting to your friends, pick up a pen or create a file and document each interaction, says Sue DeLazaro, the founder of Ideal Culture Lab, a professional development and coaching firm. Your notes should include:

1. Genuine examples: “Someone who says they haven’t had a challenging work colleague doesn’t sound realistic,” DeLazaro says. Instead of running away from the issue, document your experience.
2. Detail, but not too much: Use scenarios that will translate in an interview setting, without needing a lot of background or industry-specific detail. “Create the ‘elevator pitch version’ of the story so it’s summarized with the most important beginning, middle, [and] end parts,” says DeLazaro. “Write down all the details, including feelings and facts. Then start cutting until it makes sense to strangers.” You might want to get someone with no knowledge of what happened to listen to you tell the story.
3. The thought process that drove your actions: What did you think about? How did you feel? How did you use this information to inform your choices? What do you know about the situation and the person involved that is important to consider? Finally, why did you choose this path over others?
4. Use of time: Consider how you used time when resolving the situation. DeLazaro recommends asking yourself these questions: “Were you able to step away and think clearly? Did you wait an appropriate amount of time—for the situation and the other person—before responding?”
5. Did you involve others?: If you used a sounding board, make sure to mention the potential solutions you brought to this person so they could respond to your thoughts (instead of just looking for quick answers). “Using a sounding board is not a weakness as long as it’s used wisely,” says DeLazaro.
6. Goal orientation: Were you able to manage yourself and your relationships to effective outcomes for you, the other person, the team, or even the organization? “For example, listen to these two approaches: ‘I just wanted to give this person the answer so they would go away.’ [This] sounds more about you compared with, ‘I wanted to understand where this person was coming from so I could give them the answer they needed because I knew I needed to work with this person every day.’ [This] has a longer-term goal orientation to it,” explains DeLazaro.
7. Reflection: It’s worth thinking about what you might do differently now. “Not everything can go perfectly every time, but if you would do something differently and can share that, it shows that you’re open to learning,” says DeLazaro.

DeLazaro explains that while we can’t avoid challenges, how we handle them can be one of the standout moments in a job interview.

How can interviewees reframe challenging experiences?

Once you’ve racked your brains for all the information, it’s time to craft the perfect anecdote. “The key is to turn negatives into positives by focusing on the resolution and your personal growth,” says Buj. So use the STAR method to structure your response:

1. Situation: Briefly describe the challenge.
2. Task: Explain your role in addressing it.
3. Action: Detail the steps you took to resolve the issue.
4. Result: Highlight the positive outcome or lesson learned.

Buj provides an example: “Instead of saying, ‘My manager was difficult and constantly micromanaged me,’ you could say: ‘I worked under a manager with a very detail-oriented approach, which initially felt overwhelming. To align with their expectations, I proactively scheduled regular check-ins and provided detailed progress updates. Over time, this improved our working relationship and taught me the importance of adapting communication styles.’”

What to leave out

There are some topics to keep for your memoirs only. Buj advises avoiding discussing experiences that involve sensitive issues, such as interpersonal misconduct or company-level disputes, as these can come across as unprofessional or overly negative.

While it’s important to share honest challenges, certain experiences can raise red flags if not framed carefully, says Buj:

• Blaming others: “Avoid narratives that paint colleagues, managers, or the company negatively,” she adds. “For example, discussing a manager’s failure without balancing it with how you adapted could come across as critical instead of constructive.”
• Highly personal disputes: “Refrain from discussing interpersonal conflicts unrelated to work,” says Buj.
• Unresolved issues: “Don’t highlight situations where no positive outcome or lesson was achieved,” says Buj.
• Confidential matters: Avoid sharing sensitive or proprietary information.

So greet those difficult colleagues with a smile. They may provide you with stepping stones to your dream role.

*Names changed

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle
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