Is flexibility the key to “having it all” as a parent?

Navigating a successful career alongside parenthood can be fraught with complications, stress, and downright exhaustion. Trying to manage competing responsibilities while somehow squeezing in a moment for your own health and sanity can feel like a one-way ticket to burnout. Companies are becoming increasingly aware of the need to offer flexible working patterns, but how do you know that they walk the walk and it’s not just a clever recruitment strategy? How can you be clear on what exactly they’re offering? How can you bring the conversation around to flexibility without making it sound like you aren’t committed?

Can you have it all?

Career Coach Sara Madera specializes in helping working moms create success in all areas of their lives and believes that you can have it all. “I think it’s possible as long as we’re clear on what ‘all’ means. If it means having a career that brings us fulfillment and joy, a family life with happy healthy children, a strong partnership, and time for yourself, yes, I think that’s totally possible.” It comes with one caveat, you have to decide exactly on what “having it all” means to you. “If you’re trying to rock your career, rock your kids’ lives, have the best home, super-hot relationship, have the best decorations every holiday, have a big social life, be class parent… doing all these things is really hard.”

Identify your flexibility needs

The first thing to consider is that flexibility looks different in different companies and part of your job search should be about finding a compatible match. Madera believes that many companies are still in the process of figuring out what workplace flexibility looks like in their culture. “For some, this means working asynchronously, for some it means remote or hybrid working, for some this means not bothering you after 5:00.” She doesn’t believe that a need for flexibility will put you at a disadvantage, provided you’re applying for the right kind of company for you. “I would probably decide what flexibility looks like to you as a job seeker and then find a company that matches your need for flexibility.”

To understand the kind of company you want to be part of, Madera suggests you get clear on what flexibility means to you. “We need to get clear on 3-5 things that are important to us, define what success looks like in those areas, and not get distracted by all those other things coming at us.” To do this, she suggests you “Make a list of what things you think are important to you and have a sense of that with your life. So for example, if you have to pick up the kids from school every day, you need that 3-5 time to be blocked out on your schedule, or maybe it’s 5-7, maybe it’s dinner and bath time, whatever that time frame is for you.” Think about how this might work on a practical level, if you’re on the East Coast and most people working at the company are on the West Coast, then it will be harder to carve out that 5-7 pm period.

Once you’ve figured out whether hybrid, remote, or asynchronous flexibility is what you’re looking for, you can apply for roles where that might work. Madera recommends you compile a list of must-haves and nice-to-haves, so you don’t waste time in the push and pull of decision-making during applications and interviews. Once you know what it is you’re looking for, it will be easier to figure out if that’s on offer. Lastly, don’t doubt yourself, we all have different priorities, you just need to be clear on yours.

Do your research beforehand

Now that you’re clear on your own needs, you can view every company you’re approaching through that lens and decide what’s going to work for you. Flexibility is not an unreasonable request in 2024. According to Madera, “Flexibility is a great recruitment aid, people want it. So, I think that if companies are highlighting that they have a hybrid work environment, they’re probably more open to the conversations about flexibility.” You shouldn’t have to look too far to find information on flexible working, most companies who offer it have it front and center, hoping to attract the best candidates. However, there are a few places to glean an insight into that crucial information before your interview:

• Company benefits: Madera suggests looking at how they support flexibility, whether there are any childcare subsidies, and what policies are in place around flexible working.

• Examples of job-sharing, part-time options, and remote-hybrid work.

• The availability of breastfeeding rooms or breastfeeding shipping if that’s relevant.

• The Skimm’s #ShowUsYourLeave database

• Parentaly and Best Places for Working Parents

• HR or the recruiter.

“To give you a sense of where they stand, you need to know if they’ve actually thought about these things and how to address them on a large policy level. If they have, it’s more likely that they’re going to have that sort of culture.”

During the Interview

If you want to float the idea of flexibility in a job interview, one suggestion Madera has is to ask about the company culture. Try something like “What are the expectations around in-office hours?” or perhaps ask the hiring manager about the team’s workflow. If the job has been advertised as hybrid and there isn’t a lot of detail, ask for clarification. You can request examples of how flexibility works in practice, or even ask the interviewer how they make the flexibility element work for them. Madera says you should delve into the things you really want to know and keep an ear out for potential red flags like “quick turnaround” “high demand” or “fast-paced” as that kind of work environment probably doesn’t go hand in hand with flexibility.

Another suggestion is asking to speak to other employees to see if you can get a true sense of what it’s like to be a working parent within that company environment. Although, Madera says you might want to wait until you get an offer to bring this one up.

You could also consider asking about the benefits package and seeing whether there is any flexibility there. “I had one woman who the company offered a gym membership she decided ‘I don’t want that, I’d rather have a child care subsidy’ and they were fine with it, they swapped it out.” This happened at the offer stage, but there’s no reason you couldn’t ask a hypothetical question about swapping a benefit during an interview.

Will it affect the outcome?

This is the big question, and there’s no definitive answer. In Madera’s opinion, “There’s not a one-size-fits-all-all for this, but it depends on the industry and the demand for the role. I find that more traditional industries like finance and law are more resistant to those conversations, particularly early on. If you wait to mention a need for flexibility until the offer stage, you risk not getting what you need and potentially irritating the company that wants to hire you, but if you mention it from the outset and it isn’t a company with a flexible culture, it could count against you.

Madera’s clients have experienced mixed results, “I’ve had clients who were clear from the onset and they were successful, and I’ve found that this is particularly the case in a high-demand industry, like in healthcare, direct service, direct care. I’ve had someone who mentioned they were a parent and didn’t move on in the process, and that was in more of a traditional industry. I’ve also had someone who brought it up after the job offer – she asked for accommodations and those were accepted.”

Focus on the positives

When it comes to allaying any potential employer’s fears, Madera says you should have an outcomes-focused conversation. “Give them clear examples of how you’ve been successful in the past. Most hiring managers don’t want to take risks, they want to see proven results. Often doing exactly the same thing that they’re asking for, so just let them know that you’ll replicate success in their business and the flexibility won’t even be an issue.” She adds, “It’s not about the hours worked, it’s about what you’re producing”.

Remember that it benefits a company to have employees who show up fully present and ready to add value, and a flexible working schedule benefits many people, not just parents. There’s no right or wrong way to talk about workplace flexibility in an interview, and whether you choose to bring it up depends on the role you’re interviewing for and what you already know about the company. If a flexible working schedule is what it’s going to take for you to live your best life, then it makes sense to do your due diligence before you apply for a role.

However, if your dream role might offer an opportunity with a little negotiation, then why not ask the question? What do you have to lose? You might not get the job, but if it doesn’t work for you anyway then nothing is truly lost. Companies are becoming increasingly open to flexible working patterns and the fact that just showing up doesn’t equal productivity. The more conversations we have about flexible working, the more the workplace will change for the better. Decide what it is that you need, find companies willing to work with you, and advocate for what you deserve.

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