Crossing the line: How to handle inappropriate questions in an interview

Job interviews can be a grueling process, requiring extensive research and preparation for every meeting. It can often be a long and intense road to finding the right fit. The interview questions themselves can be tricky, especially those surrounding salary expectations, professional weaknesses, or reasons for leaving your previous position. Questions like these will surely put an interviewee on the edge of their seat, but they shouldn’t throw you for a loop.

When walking into an interview, it’s also expected that the hiring manager conducting that meeting will be professional and courteous during their line of questioning. There are certain subjects considered out of bounds in an interview, such as race, sex, religion, disability, family origin, etc.

Encountering inappropriate questions

Rarely, hiring managers might try to employ intimidation tactics like aggressive questions to weed out candidates. These are called “stress interviews” and the underlying idea is to test candidates by putting them in a high-pressure environment. Usually, malicious intent is not the motivation behind a question, but the hiring manager might not realize the gravity of what they are asking. Either way, it’s important to know how to respond professionally to those questions that cross a line.

Some inappropriate questions you may come across during an interview are:

• What is your family’s origin?
• Are you married?
• How old are you?
• Is English your first language?
• Do you plan on having children?
• What holidays do you celebrate?

Questions like these are very inappropriate, if not illegal to ask. In some cases, an interviewee may feel comfortable answering honestly, but for most, it can be difficult to respond to these kinds of questions with confidence and professionalism.

Luckily, leadership coach Beth Benatti Kennedy shared a few of her tips for facing inappropriate questions in an interview. She emphasizes the importance of keeping your composure when an out-of-line question is asked and recommends taking the following steps to get through the tough ones.

Pause and reflect: After an uncomfortable question is asked, a candidate should take a moment to gather their thoughts before responding.

Redirect: If the question is inappropriate or irrelevant to the role you’re applying for, it’s okay to steer the conversation back to something regarding the position. For example, you could start by saying, “I think what’s most important is…”

Stay professional: Even if the question is uncomfortable, it’s important to try to keep your response polite and professional. Though the hiring manager may be asking something rude, it’s possible that they aren’t aware of it. There is no shame in standing up for yourself or calling out inappropriate behavior, but just because a recruiter has behaved unprofessionally doesn’t mean you need to.

So, how can you respond?

Unexpected questions are enough to stump someone during an interview, but unprofessional questions can really shake a candidate. So, once you’ve taken the time to gather your thoughts, how should you respond to the situation?

Keep it light and move on

According to leadership coach Dr. Kim Bartels, asking questions like “Please explain the ways that this is relevant to the role,” or “Help me understand what you mean,” is a great way to redirect the question back to the interviewer. It can give them a chance to recognize that they have asked something inappropriate.

If the hiring manager asks you if you are planning on having children, saying something along the lines of “I’m a dedicated cat mom,” keeps the conversation light and moving forward while maintaining your right to privacy. If they ask about holidays you celebrate, you might say, “All of them - more reason to celebrate!” Use your best judgment to decide whether a question has truly crossed a line, or if you can try to move past it.

Decline to respond

If you aren’t comfortable answering an inappropriate question, it is perfectly acceptable to decline to answer. While maintaining your composure, tell the recruiter, “I would prefer not to answer that at this time,” or “I’m not comfortable answering that question as I feel it is a bit too personal. Could we please move to the next one?”

Take your power back

If faced with a rude or aggressive hiring manager in an interview, interviewees can redirect the conversation and regain some power by asking questions relevant to the role or company.

Asking questions like “What tasks will be expected from me in this role?” or queries about the company culture such as, “How does management provide support for junior members of the team?” can help get the interview back on track and allow you to return to the task at hand.

Leave the interview

For Valerie Angelkos, a marketing leader and start-up consultant, determining what you’re willing to tolerate and what you are not is first and foremost when walking into any interview.

“It is a huge red flag if the hiring manager interviewing you is already crossing the line. This is the person who will be hiring you and potentially managing you for months or years. If they are already crossing the line in an interview setting, imagine how they will treat you in a day-to-day setting.”

That being said, at a certain point, you might be so uncomfortable with the interview that cutting it short and politely declining to continue is your best option. You are well within your rights as an interviewee to say politely that a certain question is not appropriate for an interview setting, and that you would prefer to cut the meeting short at that point.

The Takeaway

While the interview itself is an opportunity for you to show off your skills and convince a recruiter that you would be a great addition to the company, it is also important to remember that the interview is a time for you, as a candidate, to get a sense of how the role, the company, and its corresponding work culture fit into what you expect in a position.

“An interviewer’s questions are a reflection of them and their company. Interviewees are interviewing the company as much as the reverse,” says Dr. Bartels. “Buyer beware.”

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle

Follow Welcome to the Jungle on Facebook, LinkedIn, and Instagram, and subscribe to our newsletter to get our latest articles every week!