Should you quit your job, or quit your environment?

The Great Resignation has continued into 2022 after more than 40 million Americans quit their job last year. According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics, some 4.4 million Americans voluntarily left their job in February 2022, nearing the record levels set in November 2021, when 4.5 million people quit. The desire to walk out of the office cuts across industries, as workers look for higher wages, a healthier work-life balance, and career growth.

But quitting your job can be a difficult choice to make - and might not be the best decision for you. We had a chat with Darcy Eikenberg, a Florida-based career coach and author of the book “Red cape Rescue: Save your career without leaving your job” about what to consider before handing in your notice.

In your book ”Red Cape Rescue” you invite people to be “the heroes of their own story,” and make better choices for themselves in the workplace. Why did you go for that approach?

There is a lot of career advice out there, but it’s often either about moving up the ladder in your company or about job searching. There are tips on how to get a promotion or how to use your Linkedin account effectively if you’re on a job hunt — but we aren’t talking enough about how we recraft, reshape, take control, and make change right where we are. How do we make clear what we want, what’s working for us, and what isn’t?

“We aren’t talking enough about how we recraft, reshape, take control, and make change right where we are. How do we make clear what we want, what’s working for us, and what isn’t?”

In “Red Cape Rescue,” I’m talking about the idea that everybody waits for a hero to come and rescue them, to pick them up for a promotion. There’s often an assumption that our company, our organization, and our boss, have a plan for us.

This happened to me as well. I worked for 14 years in a large human resources consulting firm. One day, while I was on a business trip, my boss called me and said she was going to retire and that one of my peers would get her position. That job would have been the next natural step for me. At the same time, I felt relieved because I realized I never wanted that job, and confused because I didn’t know what was the next thing for me. I think this happens to many people - they trust somebody will eventually make a decision for them, and that often can last for years. It was then that I hired my first professional coach.

The coach helped me recognize who I was at my best and highest. I now call that moment your “superpower space” — the space where you’re wearing your red cape and it’s time for you to rise. I recognized what skills I wanted to learn; I figured out that I wanted to help guide other people, and realized it was time to take a leap and try something new. That’s when I started my coaching business and I’ve been doing this for the past 14 years.

In one of the chapters of your book, called “Listen to the Whispers,” you talk about the importance of listening to ourselves, of identifying that general feeling of dissatisfaction that tells us something isn’t quite right. What would you advise those who hear those ‘little whispers,’ and might be unhappy with their work situation but still unsure about the decision to quit?

Quitting your job is a very difficult decision to make! So, imagine this situation - you are a smart, successful professional. You hear this little whisper of unsatisfaction. Then something happens - a catalyzing moment - like a merger in your company, or your boss quits or somebody in your family gets sick. This usually makes you wonder if you should make a change, and that whisper starts to get louder. I think this is what we’ve been seeing during the Great Resignation as well.

In our culture, we often say that if one doesn’t like their job, they should quit. But the job search process is exhausting and can be very confusing. Sometimes, employees who are not quite happy with the way things go looking for something else. Often, they find that the job hunting process is harder than they thought it would be and give up.

“In our culture, we often say that if one doesn’t like their job, they should quit. But the job search process is exhausting and can be very confusing.”

So when you hear those whispers, you need to be clear about the source of conflict — someone who values adventure and experimentation might make a totally different choice about their career than somebody who values security or family. The values help guide us to make the decisions that are right for us. I do think there are extremely unhealthy work situations and, if your work environment is toxic, it’s time to move on. But in some cases, people leave because of the social pressure, without trying to make any changes at their current workplace.

“You need to be clear about the source of conflict — someone who values adventure and experimentation might make a totally different choice about their career than somebody who values security or family.”

What steps should one do before quitting their job, and how can one decide if they should really quit?

Once you’re clear about your values — what you care about in your job, what’s important for you personally — you need to identify what bothers you. It could be just one person, the way they interact with you. I’ve had clients saying “I love everything about my company except this one thing that makes me want to leave.” But in some cases, that can be solved by having a (tough) conversation.

You should not threaten your coworkers or your boss by leaving if they don’t do this or that; positioning something as a threat never works. But you can be honest with them and say that you’re thinking hard about what’s next for you. You can say that some things are getting in your way of making the best contribution you can. You can ask your boss to help you. It’s important to open up the conversation.

“You should not threaten your coworkers or your boss by leaving if they don’t do this or that; positioning something as a threat never works.”

I have talked to people who left their jobs because they were told they would need to come back to the office when what they actually wanted was more flexibility. And their leaders told me “if they had just asked for more flexibility, we would have figured out how to make it happen.” This is why we need to be having better conversations. You can control what you say, you can’t control the response. If you get the answer, “we’re moving toward a model where no one’s going to work at home,” and if it’s important to you to have more flexibility, that’s when you will probably start looking for a new job. But if the response to your question about getting a raise is “we can’t increase your salary by that much at this moment,” you might be willing to wait for some time. You can readjust your expectations and think of the next steps.

If our workload is too heavy, we’re overwhelmed, we’re stressed, we’re probably not communicating our needs clearly to other people, our bosses included.

Many people might be uncomfortable addressing their boss in such a straightforward manner. What should one have in mind before having such a conversation?

We often have the stereotype that managers and leaders are evil, that they’re trying to squeeze the most out of every single person. So you think you can’t talk to them and that you can’t ask for things. Those absolutes have never been true — leaders are human too. They care about their work, they care about their people, and they want to know what’s happening with the people working for them.

“you think you can’t talk to [your manager] and that you can’t ask for things. Those absolutes have never been true — leaders are human too.”

Sometimes, if we aren’t direct, people make assumptions. If I am a manager, and I don’t get any feedback from you, my employee I’ll continue to focus a lot of energy on fixing things I see as broken. I may not stop and recognize that I need to check in with my employee as well. On the other hand, an employee [who doesn’t get any feedback from their manager] might be feeling that they are picking up everybody else’s work. The employee might think “maybe I could make more money somewhere else, just turn in my resignation and leave?” And if that happens, the leader might not understand what has gone wrong.

From a leader’s perspective, you need to tell people you value what they do and show them you are open to conversations. You need to understand that your employees might assume you’re too busy to sit down and talk or that you might actually be aware of everything that’s happening. You need to make them understand your limits and invite them to talk to you.

Let’s say that you’ve done all that work and, in the end, you decide to quit. How do you make that process as smooth as possible?

I think making that decision is the first important step. You don’t need to announce it to anyone at first, but be clear with yourself. If you can say to yourself - I’ve done my homework, I have asked for what I need and it isn’t possible. I’ve given it some time. If nothing worked, you’re ready to move on.

When it comes to the job search, I don’t care what the current [labor market] data says; even in a hot market, I don’t think one should leave without having other opportunities lined up — I think that’s a huge risk. For some people, the job search can last for months. If you can’t financially handle that, stay where you are while searching. Do what you can to recognize this is not long-term, and you’ll be less frustrated.

“Even in a hot market, I don’t think one should leave without having other opportunities lined up — I think that’s a huge risk.”

When you find a new job, hand in your notice respectfully and professionally. I believe that even in our age of digital communication, this should happen in a conversation, rather than an email or a text. Don’t talk mean about the company, and don’t burn any bridges.

People move between companies and have a long memory. I had a client who left one consulting firm in a bad way, telling everyone who wanted to hear how they weren’t treating him right. He went to another consulting firm and, in three months, his old firm bought the new one. He ended up working for the people he’d basically slammed. It wasn’t comfortable and it wasn’t a good situation for his career. Leaving with gratitude, and recognizing the things you learned and experiences you gained is good for the transition.

“Leaving with gratitude, and recognizing the things you learned and experiences you gained is good for the transition.”

I guess that particular transition might be harder for certain people, like those who suffer from anxiety. What would be your advice for them?

One of the strategies I talk about in my book is about giving a little voice and name to that anxiety, personifying it. It’s not my technique - I found it in the book called “Positive Intelligence” by Shirzad Chamine. I have a client that calls this voice “Her Little Trouble.” And she calms it down saying “I got it, it’s going to be okay.” This is how you calm down that part of the brain that experiences fear. We need to learn that our fearful brain isn’t really giving us the truth, it’s pulling us back because it wants to keep us safe. There is this quote I love - “a ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are for.” We’re not meant to just hide and keep our heads down. Our brain might be telling us “you’re too old, you’re too young” but we can talk back to ourselves and alleviate some of the anxiety about our decision to leave.

It’s also important to recognize that you will make the best decision that you’re capable of at a given moment. None of us can do two opposite things at once and figure out which was going to be the better option. So I think it’s important that we make a decision and think, “this is great, I made the decision, let me look forward.” It doesn’t mean that whatever you end up doing is exactly the thing you will want. But that’s not a failure, we need to think that we have gained some experience, and learned something from it.

You’ve emphasized the importance of working with a career coach. What can a coach do for us that we cannot do for ourselves?

We often ignore those little whispers telling us that we’re maybe not quite satisfied with the situation we’re in. We need to train ourselves, whether that’s by taking some time off or turning off all the social media, to ask questions such as: “Am I on the path that I want to be on?” or “Is this what I consciously want to be doing?” We need to make sure that we are clear as to what kinds of experiences we want, what kind of work we want to do, and to be able to speak up for ourselves. A coach can help with this process.

“We need to make sure that we are clear as to what kinds of experiences we want, what kind of work we want to do, and to be able to speak up for ourselves.”

I always say that you can’t see the label from inside the jar, and by this, I mean that it’s often hard for us to see the context around us when we are in the middle of a situation. This is why having a trained outside observer, asking you more specific questions, can be very powerful. Also, we all have our insecurities; most of us are afraid of not being enough, or not being smart enough. If you’re not getting along with your boss, your team, or your key client, you might think something is wrong with you or wonder why you can’t handle it. This is what often leads people to finally take on a professional coach who can help them figure out their strengths and doubts.

Photo: Welcome to the Jungle

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