Job applications: What we write vs what we (really) mean

Sep 18, 2024

3 mins

Job applications: What we write vs what we (really) mean
author
Marlène Moreira

Journaliste indépendante.

contributors

Who among us has never stretched the truth, even a teeny bit, to sound more competent, more experienced, or just more interesting? Resumes and cover letters highlight our experience and skills, but they are also an opportunity to exercise our powers of creativity, interpretation and composition. To help you to crack the code of this stuffy doublespeak, we’ve come up with some examples of what we write (sometimes) and what we really mean:

What we write: “As chief marketing officer, I had the opportunity to initiate and lead the company’s visibility strategy.”

What we mean: “I set up the company’s TikTok account, wrote its newsletters for six months, and the boss asked for my opinion on the layout of the annual report.”

What we write: “Advanced Photoshop skills.”

What we mean: “I use Photoshop to turn my vacation photos into masterpieces worthy of the best influencers—even the ones taken by grandma, who invariably manages to stick a bit of her finger over part of the lens.”

What we write: “I’m deeply motivated by your company’s mission and its ambition to revolutionize digital archiving, and I’m eager to contribute.”

What we mean: “You pay well, the office is 10 minutes from my house, and you offer free membership to my local gym.”

What we write: “My strong organizational skills allow me to handle several projects simultaneously with efficiency and precision.”

What we mean: “I keep my calendar up to date and remember the birthdays of my family and friends. If only more Boomers would do this, the corporate world might be in better shape.”

What we write: “Regular meditation practice.”

What we mean: “I downloaded a meditation app a year ago, and it’s been collecting digital dust on my phone. My true Zen technique is to take deep breaths whenever I need to check my bank account, hoping the fresh air will magically make my overdraft disappear. Namaste, financial stress. By the way, how much does this job pay?”

What we write: “Harvard graduate.”

What we mean: “I took a 10-week online MOOC and paid $299 for the certificate. So technically, I’m a Harvard graduate, right?”

What we write: “Spanish: Limited professional proficiency.”

What we mean: “I’ve watched Roma (with the subtitles on), and I go to Mexico every summer if possible. I can make killer tamales and margaritas. I know a few sentences in Spanish, but if the conversation goes beyond ordering at the bar, that’s a different story.”

What we write: “Junior strategist.”

What we mean: “I spent a year filing documents, taking notes in meetings and aligning bullet points in presentations prepared by executives. The only strategy I implemented was one that helped my department to win at beer pong. It’s a good team-building activity, according to my coworkers.”

What we write: “My project management skills have allowed me to complete several complex initiatives successfully on time and within the budget.”

What we mean: “Every year, I organize a summer vacation with my group of friends. Hotels, restaurants, transportation, activities…everything is meticulously planned by me. So yes, you could say I’m a top-notch project manager who’s a real whiz at scoring great deals!”

What we write: “Microsoft Office Suite expert.”

What we mean: “I create my presentations on Canva and organize group projects on Discord, but I’m sure I can master these dinosaur tools in the blink of an eye. I’m not worried. Word, Excel, PowerPoint? That’s easy.”

What we write: “Extremely adaptable.”

What we mean: “I change jobs every year.”

What we write: “Avid reader.”

What we mean: “I subscribed to The NYT —until TikTok took over. Now, I follow influencers who share their literary favorites. I can fake an enlightened take on the latest Pulitzer Prize hopefuls too as long as I’m not expected to go into too much detail. In short, I’m a generation 2.0 reader, an expert in synopses and quick takes.”

What we write: “Excellent [leadership skills](https://www.welcometothejungle.com/en/articles/dont-look-up-women-leadership.”

What we mean: “I organized my company’s Christmas party and convinced everyone—even Ben from accounts—to go to a karaoke bar afterward.”

What we write: “Up-to-date with the latest agile methodologies. I successfully applied my skills in several projects to improve team efficiency.”

What we mean: “I Googled the word ‘scrum’ when I saw it in the job ad. It doesn’t seem too complicated. If the company calls me back, I’ll watch a few YouTube videos to be sure I can talk about it confidently. After all, agility is also about knowing how to adapt quickly, right?”

What we write: “My analytical mind allows me to solve problems efficiently.”

What we mean: “I can find my phone even when it’s on silent mode and has fallen down the back of the couch.”

What we write: “Passionate about the insurance industry.”

What we mean: “I have a loan to pay back and would like to go on vacation this summer. I’m ready to do anything to get into a company that pays well, offers a bonus and lots of paid time off.”

What we write: “Continuing management training.”

What we mean: “I attended a free half-hour webinar on YouTube.”

So let’s get real. Ultimately, what would a resume or cover letter be without a touch of creativity and embellishment? It would be like a consultant without their smart suit, flash tech and jargon-filled conversation: a little lost and without any real impact.

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