Navigating workplace negativity: Strategies for dealing with complaining colleagues

Well, according to Will Bowen, best-selling author of A Complaint-Free World, the average person complains between 15 to 30 times a day. That’s probably more than you thought. But if you think about it, we encounter unpleasant experiences all throughout the workday: the office temperature debate, a broken printer, or maybe the phantom food thief.

Imagine being at your desk, surrounded by a relentless flood of emails, only to have your focus shattered by a colleague’s constant stream of complaints. This voice, incessant and grating, covers everything from trivial office issues to major project woes, turning your workspace into a vortex of negativity. This situation, far from rare, becomes a daily backdrop draining productivity and morale, making the office a challenging place to focus and stay positive.

This raises questions about the impact of such constant negativity on the workplace atmosphere and dynamics. How can we identify, address, and ultimately reduce the pervasive influence of these negative behaviors to foster a more positive and productive environment?

The effects of constant complaining

Employees who identify problems in the office may help the company improve but could also hurt themselves in the process. A study by Michigan State University reveals that such negative-minded workers are more likely to become mentally fatigued and defensive, leading to decreased productivity. In a Science Daily interview, Russell Johnson, the study’s co-author, notes that employees who frequently identify issues or mistakes often involve pointing out the flaws of colleagues, which can strain these interpersonal connections.

Furthermore, research conducted by Professor Robert Sapolsky at Stanford University unveils the impact of prolonged stress on the human brain. So, these complainers are not only subjecting themselves to a heightened state of stress but are also potentially altering their brain’s structure and function. This alteration can lead to a detrimental loop of negative thinking patterns, making it more challenging to experience positive emotions and engage in productive problem-solving.

Moreover, Stanford’s research shows the implications for those exposed to continuous negativity from others. Just as chronic complainers may experience a ‘rewiring’ of their neural pathways towards negativity, those subjected to their complaints risk similar neural impacts. The phenomenon of neural mirroring, where our brains unconsciously mimic the emotional states of those around us, suggests that the negativity of chronic complainers can be ‘contagious’, not only affects the social and emotional climate but could also lead to a collective downturn in problem-solving abilities and cognitive functioning.

So, how can we break this cycle of negativity and stop complaining so much in the workplace?

Breaking the cycle of workplace negativity

The root causes of complaints

The first step in addressing a constant complainer is to find the root causes of their complaints, says Michelle Skipper. Skipper is a conflict resolution specialist with over 20 years of experience in employee labor relations and the founder of HR Edge, an HR Consulting and teaching course in conflict resolution. She explains, “Complaints often have multiple layers to them, as they are not always about the apparent issue. There’s usually something deeper or unspoken behind them.”

In Skipper’s view, workplace complaints are often rooted in personal issues. She suggests that approximately 85% to 90% of complaints originate from personal life challenges that individuals carry into their professional environment. She adds, “Given that we tend to embody our entire selves at work, the behaviors and attitudes we display at home frequently mirror those we exhibit in the workplace.” As a result, personal issues tend to permeate the office environment.

The social dynamics of complaining

Not only do we feed off of each other’s emotions, but there’s a human inclination towards seeking connection through shared grievances, according to Tom Stearns, a revenue consultant and a rehabilitated workplace complainer. “People [like to] commiserate, right? It’s a common behavior in society. For instance, someone might say, ‘It’s really cold outside.’ This kind of commiseration is our natural tendency to seek social bonds. It’s easy to engage in but not necessarily beneficial for anyone,” he explains.

Social bonds based on negativity can ultimately be detrimental, undermining team cohesion and productivity, says Skipper. She explains, “[Complaining] significantly affects morale and has a ripple effect. Even leadership may struggle to address these issues effectively, challenging conversations.”

How to deal with a complaining colleague

Stearns’s journey through workplace negativity stems from his sleepless nights following his first child’s arrival: “I was a marketing specialist in Massachusetts, and we had just had our first baby. As a new father, I found myself getting very little sleep … This [sleep deprivation] left me grumpy at work, where I was rude to my colleagues. I somehow justified my rudeness, feeling entitled to it because I was going through the challenging experience of having a new baby.”

Stearns brought his home life circumstances to his workplace, affecting his colleagues’ and team’s morale. When his manager came to him with complaints from his coworkers, it made him more self-aware. “I was still tired, and I was still grumpy. So, I’m sure I reacted that way again but caught myself, and I would apologize very quickly,” he adds.

So, how do you deal with the pessimist in the office?

1. Have empathy

In Stearns’s defense, his complaining ways were long ago, and he has grown since. “I’ve learned a lot over the years since. I’ve been on the other side since becoming a manager, a leader, and a consultant. And [we need to] try and start with empathy.”

Stearns adds, “If someone appears grumpy or difficult, begin with empathy. Consider why they might be feeling this way. Offer support by saying, ‘It seems like you’re in a negative cycle or something’s bothering you. Can I help with some of your work?’”

2. Strategies for communication

How you handle a complaint depends on your relationship with the person, explains Skipper.

Peer to peer

If the complainer is a peer, one approach is to suggest letting the issue go, especially if it’s something beyond your control, explains Skipper. She says that if the individual continues to complain, you might either avoid them or keep your interactions strictly professional. But this isn’t always feasible for everyone and doesn’t address the root cause. If you feel close enough with them, Skipper says, then you can ask them if everything is ok.

Don’t go to HR first

Skipper explains that when encountering workplace issues, first, give your manager the chance to address them. “Often, employees bypass their managers and go directly to HR, which can complicate matters. Managers usually prefer to be informed first to handle the situation themselves,” she says.

How to address your manager with concerns

You need to be concise and articulate about your concerns, explains Skipper. Ensure your conversation doesn’t devolve into a venting session. She says to focus on describing how the situation affects you personally and professionally, emphasizing the impact rather than just listing grievances. For Stearns, his manager helped him correct his negativity, not by naming names and listing complaints, but by talking about the root causes of his attitudes.

Most managers are there to help, explains Skipper. “I discovered that this person was dealing with a sick father at home who was nearing the end of his life. She expressed regret for all the time she missed spending with her family. During our conversation, she became emotional, and I saw the depth of her grief. Recognizing the complexity of her situation, I was able to facilitate a connection for her to speak with a grief counselor,” she recounts.

As Skipper was able to offer a grief counselor, she has also been able to help with other personal issues people bring to work. “I learned that a single mother was struggling because her child support payments had stopped, leading her to consider dropping out of school. Due to these challenges, she felt coming to work was a waste of her time. Upon hearing this, I informed her about our tuition reimbursement program as a potential solution to her situation,” she adds. So, sometimes, going to the manager can offer specific support for those underlying causes of negativity.

But what if you’re the complainer?

Don’t worry. We’ve all had those lull moments in life. It’s always important to recognize that this behavior likely doesn’t make you feel any better and might even worsen the mood of those around you, explains Stearns. If you’re constantly feeling negative, consider your own self-care needs. Ask yourself if you’re genuinely unhappy with your circumstances or just complaining for the sake of it.

“For example, I realized my own situation was temporary, knowing that as my daughter began sleeping through the night, I’d get more rest and feel better. Remember, adopting a positive attitude can not only improve your own well-being but also make you more attractive to others professionally and socially,” explains Stearns.

He explains that complainers might be warned initially, but continuous negativity can impact your career prospects, including raises, promotions, and opportunities to participate in social activities. It’s crucial to self-reflect. He asks, “Are you enjoyable to be around? Are you contributing to a pleasant environment?” This can be challenging, but being self-aware and communicating your needs can significantly improve your interactions and happiness at work.

Let’s all be a little more positive

Stearns is a self-declared ‘positive person’ now. “Regardless of how challenging our day has been, it’s about cultivating a sense of positivity within ourselves. Remember the good things even if we’re feeling tired,” he advises. Negativity can spread quickly, so being a source of positivity in the workplace is essential. “I haven’t always approached things this way, but now I make a concerted effort to uplift those around me, which improves my mood,” Stearns adds.

So, as we navigate the complexities of workplace dynamics, it becomes evident that addressing the root causes of complaints and understanding their broader impact is crucial. We can foster a more positive and productive work environment by acknowledging the personal underpinnings of grievances and the contagious nature of negativity. This approach not only mitigates the adverse effects of complaining but also strengthens team cohesion and job satisfaction.

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